Monday Recap: Session 4

We enjoyed another week of great discussion centered around scriptures and discussion questions that covered chapters 10-12 in the book Uncommon Marriage. During this session, we also discussed a handout, 15 Ways to Protect Your Marriage, available on iMom’s website. Among these 15 tips, small groupers specifically focused on #4 – work boundaries; #5 – know your spouse’s co-workers; #9 – be loyal (no husband bashing!); and #15 – girls/guys night out. I may be leaving one or two out that we discussed at some length, but all of the tips are worth meditating on!

SESSION 4 GUIDE

TOPIC 1: USING YOUR GIFTS

Discussion Questions

• What gifts and resources do you have as a couple? What are some ways your gifts work well together?
• What are some ways you might be able to use your unique talents and circumstances to build God’s Kingdom?

Looking At God’s Word

•  No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a blanket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. Matthew 5:15
• Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible):
  If we live for Christ, we will grow like lights, showing others what Christ is like. We hide our light by (1) being quiet when we should speak, (2) going along with the crowd, (3) denying the light, (4) letting sin dim our light, (5) not explaining our light to others, or (6) ignoring the needs of others. Be a beacon of truth-don’t shut your light off from the rest of the world.

• In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. Romans 12:6
• Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible):
  God gives us gifts so we can build up his church. To use them effectively, we must (1) realize that all gifts and abilities come from God; (2) understand that not everyone has the same gifts; (3) know who we are and what we do best; (4) dedicate our gifts to God’s service and not to our own personal success; (5) be willing to utilize our gifts wholeheartedly.

Monday Recap: Session 3

At our third small group session, we joked that we were all a hot mess because it seemed like everyone had had to climb Mount Everest just to get there, ourselves included, and we were all bouncing babies in order to get through the class. So, it seemed very fitting that part of the discussion to go along with chapters 7-9 in the book Uncommon Marriage was centered on setting priorities calendar-wise, starting to say no to more things and finding a balance for family commitments.

SESSION 3 GUIDE

TOPIC 1: SETTING PRIORITIES

Discussion Questions

• How do you feel about the balance of your family’s commitments right now? Are there some things you may need to start saying no to?
• Some priorities for Tony and Lauren during this season of their lives were setting date nights, making sure their children’s sports and other activities took precedence over outside causes, and taking time to pray together. What are some things you’d like to make more time for?

Looking At God’s Word

• The most important commandment is this: “Listen, O Israel! The LORD our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.” The second is equally important: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Mark 12:29-31
• Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible):
  God’s laws are not burdensome. They can be reduced to two simple principles: love God and love others. These commands are from the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 6:5; Leviticus 19:18). According to Jesus, these two commandments summarize all God’s laws. Let them rule your thoughts, decisions, and actions. When you are uncertain about what to do, ask yourself which course of action best demonstrates love for God and love for others.

• Choose today whom you will serve. … As for me and my family, we will serve the LORD. Joshua 24:15
• Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible):
  In taking a definite stand for the Lord, Joshua again displayed his spiritual leadership. Regardless of what others decided, Joshua had made a commitment to God, and he was willing to set the example of living by that decision. The way we live shows others the strength of our commitment to serving God.

Monday Recap: Session 2

Our second small group session covered chapters 4-6 in the book Uncommon Marriage and led to some wonderful discussion about making more time for each other (setting boundaries), leadership and submission in marriage, seeing the good in all situations, and encouraging each other.

SESSION 2 GUIDE

TOPIC 1: MAKING TIME FOR EACH OTHER

Discussion Questions

• What are some activities you enjoy doing as a couple and/or a family?
• What distractions are most likely to keep you from spending time with your spouse and/or children?
• What boundaries could you put in place to protect time with your loved ones?

Looking at God’s Word

• Jesus said, “Let’s go off by ourselves to a quiet place and rest awhile.” He said this because there were so many people coming and going that Jesus and his apostles didn’t even have time to eat. Mark 6:31
• Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
  When the disciples had returned from their mission, Jesus took them away to rest. Doing God’s work is very important, but Jesus recognized that to do it effectively we need periodic rest and renewal. Jesus and his disciples, however, did not always find it easy to get the rest they needed.

• Those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers. 1 Timothy 5:8
• Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
  Healthy homes remain the best possible training environment for children. When it comes to caring for relatives and honoring parents, children take most of their cues by watching how Mom and Dad honor the grandparents. If our children see the way we, as parents, care for our parents, they will understand the importance of such honor for us in the future.

Monday Recap: Session 1

Our first substantive small group session covering the first three chapters in Tony and Lauren Dungy’s new book, Uncommon Marriage, led to a wonderful discussion on making decisions together; dealing with change; making sacrifices – big or small – for our spouse and family; and building a spiritual foundation.

SESSION 1 GUIDE

TOPIC 1: MAKING DECISIONS TOGETHER

Discussion Questions

• How does your decision-making style differ from your spouse’s? How have you learned to work together with your different wirings?
• When Tony and Lauren were seeking God’s will about whether they should move to one of the big-city teams or to the Kansas City Chiefs, there was no “booming voice from the sky” clearly telling them which way to go. Ultimately, though, they sensed that Kansas City was the right fit for their family. Do you and your spouse seek God’s will in your decision making? If so, what does that look like? What are some ways you might be more intentional about doing that?

Looking At God’s Word

• Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6
• Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
  Leaning has the sense of putting your whole weight on something, resting on and trusting in that person or thing. When we have an important decision to make, we sometimes feel that we can’t trust anyone-not even God. But God knows what is best for us. He is a better judge of what we want than even we are! We must trust him completely in every choice we make. We should not omit careful thinking or belittle our God-given ability to reason; but we should not trust our own ideas to the exclusion of all others. We must not be wise in our own eyes. We should always be willing to listen to and be corrected by God’s Word and wise counselors. Bring your decisions to God in prayer; use the Bible as your guide; and then follow God’s leading. He will make your paths straight by both guiding and protecting you.

• Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30: 21
• Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
  When the people of Jerusalem left God’s path, he would correct them. He will do the same for us. But when we hear his voice of correction, we must be willing to follow it!

Monday Recap: Opening Session

We had a terrific time at last night’s kick-off small group session at our home yesterday. It is energizing and uplifting to spend time with so many other couples that recognize the importance of making their marriage relationship a priority when we all lead such crazy, busy lives! After a round of insightful introductions, prayer and a yummy spread of snacks provided by all that attended, we played a pretty intense version of “The Newlywed Game,” which we called the “The Foreverwed Game.” Even though we sat this game out to help read questions, mediate discrepancies in couples’ answers (ha ha) and keep score, we still took time to answer these questions for fun after everyone left:

ROUND 1

Questions for Ladies:
1.    What is your husband’s all-time favorite movie?
2.    Who will your husband say initiated the first kiss?
3.    What size shoe does your husband wear?
4.    If you asked your husband to cook dinner one evening, what dish would he prepare?
5.    What will your husband say regarding the last kiss you gave him today? Will he say it was: 1. Ho hum; 2. So so; or 3. Ohh la la?

BONUS QUESTION: What bill does your husband complain about most: 1. Gas; 2. Electric; 3. Food; or 4. Clothing?

Questions for Guys:
1.    What television show did you and your wife watch together last?
2.    Where will your wife say she had the best vacation with you?
3.    What flower best describes your wife in the morning when she first gets up: 1. Sunflower; 2. Bird of Paradise; or 3. Snap Dragon?
4.    Which one of your habits would your wife like to break?
5.    Using one descriptive word that begins with the first initial of your last name, how will your wife describe you on your first date together?

BONUS QUESTION: Which of the following cereals best describes your wife’s family’s opinion of you when they first met you: 1. Just Right; 2. Oatmeal Squares; 3. Frosted Flakes; 4. Lucky Charms; or 5. Fruit Loops?

ROUND 2

Questions for Ladies:
1.    Is your husband (1. More romantic; 2. Less romantic; or 3. About the same) as he was one week after you were married?
2.    How much cash does your husband have on him right now?
3.    What is your husband’s most prized possession?
4.    Will your husband say he would be more upset if he lost: 1. His hair; or 2. His job?
5.    Other than you, what will your husband say was the name of the very first person he told of his definite plans to marry you?

BONUS QUESTION: If you were to clean house, which room would your husband say you would clean first?

Questions for Guys:
1.    What was the last item your wife bought that you did not like?
2.    Who is your wife’s favorite singer?
3.    How much money (combined income) would your wife say you would need to consider yourself rich in money terms?
4.    In what month is your mother-in-law’s birthday?
5.    What will your wife say is the one home appliance the two of you need the most?

BONUS QUESTION: What one material thing does your wife have too much of?

The winning couple earned a total of 29 points after both rounds. See if you and your spouse can beat this score! Here’s how to play: Each question is worth 1 point. Each bonus question is worth 5 points. You both answer every question to see if your answers match. We had couples sit back to back in chairs (similar to musical chairs set-up) and they wrote their answers down on a small dry-erase board.

To wrap up the session, we watched these two funny videos on tips for a killer small group and a killer marriage (not really – this is what not to do in a small group setting and in your marriage):

Description: Community groups are an important part of every church in helping develop fully devoted followers of Christ. Johnny and Chachi return to offer invaluable “advice” on how to experience community at its finest.

Description: Johnny and Chachi team up with special guest Gary Smalley to share some more killer marriage tips. From communication to finances, these guys are full of marriage advice sure to help any husband.

~ Eric & Carissa

 

A small group for married couples; you’re invited!

Eric and I are very excited to spend time with YOU in the coming months reading and studying the book, Uncommon Marriage, by Tony and Lauren Dungy. In Uncommon Marriage, the Dungys share their hard-won insights on: discovering what true commitment is all about; getting past the inevitable tensions in a relationship; arguing smart and winning as a team; handling in-law issues and embracing each other’s families; working through obstacles to end up in a place of wonderful blessings; and understanding God’s plan for you as a couple.

The week this book was released, I stumbled across a book interview with Tony Dungy (click here to listen to this podcast interview), where he talked about his new book and shared what he felt like was one of the most beneficial things early on in his marriage:

I think the biggest thing that happened to help us was seeing other married couples in church. We got involved in a wonderful church and we saw married couples at different stages. Young married, older married, people with kids and people that had gone through it. We got to see that some of the things that we were experiencing were normal, they were part of the process. There was nothing wrong with having these discussions about what are we going to do, what is our marriage going to look like?

I could not agree more – it is so important to surround ourselves with other married couples! We hope that you will carefully consider joining us for what we believe will be a fun, upbeat and inspirational way to keep your marriage front and center in the midst of this crazy, busy life we all lead. We look forward to making new friends and building upon existing friendships.

If you know of anyone that you would like to invite to join this small group, please feel free to do so! The more the merrier! But, with that being said, we also see so much value in an intimate group setting too, where every person feels included and has the opportunity to share. Our intent is to study, pray and prepare to help guide each session, but we do not plan to dominate the conversation. We just hope to be instrumental in arranging the opportunity for you to meet some new friends and make God a priority in your marriage. We look forward to listening and learning from you!

Our inspiration …
Early on in our marriage, Eric and I participated in a marriage class at our church, Heartland Church of Christ, centered around the book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by William F. Jr. Harley. For me, this book was life changing. It taught me the importance of safeguarding our relationship against anything that threatens to impinge on our marriage, engaging in recreational activities that he enjoys, picking my battles and arguing nice, consistently showing respect and appreciation for him, committing to stay together – no matter what, putting God at the center of our marriage, and so much more. Perhaps one of the most important reasons why this class transformed my life was because of the powerful testimonies of those around me. There is power in story. It helped me to realize that even the most put-together women in our church had experienced similar struggles, arguments and challenges in their marriage.

I hope that I’m not painting a bleak picture of marriage! I always knew that it would take a very special person to love Andrew and me just the same and I believe that God saw something special in Eric, which is why He brought him into my life at the exact moment that He did. Eric and I enjoy a very special and close marriage and I don’t feel like it’s because we’re “lucky,” but because we work very hard to protect and nurture it. This is not to say that we have it all figured out! We do not feel like experts by any means but do understand the importance of creating opportunities to bring couples together for support, encouragement and friendship.

For several months, I have felt compelled to do a small group for couples on the book His Needs, Her Needs, but at Eric’s suggestion, we decided to read Uncommon Marriage first to decide which of the two might be the most appealing. I am hopeful that husbands, in particular, might be intrigued by this book because of its association with one of the best football coaches of our time – both on and off the field. We have thoroughly enjoyed learning about their reliance on God to get them through life’s obstacles and we are sure you will too!