Our first substantive small group session covering the first three chapters in Tony and Lauren Dungy’s new book, Uncommon Marriage, led to a wonderful discussion on making decisions together; dealing with change; making sacrifices – big or small – for our spouse and family; and building a spiritual foundation.
SESSION 1 GUIDE
TOPIC 1: MAKING DECISIONS TOGETHER
Discussion Questions
- How does your decision-making style differ from your spouse’s? How have you learned to work together with your different wirings?
- When Tony and Lauren were seeking God’s will about whether they should move to one of the big-city teams or to the Kansas City Chiefs, there was no “booming voice from the sky” clearly telling them which way to go. Ultimately, though, they sensed that Kansas City was the right fit for their family. Do you and your spouse seek God’s will in your decision making? If so, what does that look like? What are some ways you might be more intentional about doing that?
Looking At God’s Word
- Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3: 5-6
- Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
Leaning has the sense of putting your whole weight on something, resting on and trusting in that person or thing. When we have an important decision to make, we sometimes feel that we can’t trust anyone-not even God. But God knows what is best for us. He is a better judge of what we want than even we are! We must trust him completely in every choice we make. We should not omit careful thinking or belittle our God-given ability to reason; but we should not trust our own ideas to the exclusion of all others. We must not be wise in our own eyes. We should always be willing to listen to and be corrected by God’s Word and wise counselors. Bring your decisions to God in prayer; use the Bible as your guide; and then follow God’s leading. He will make your paths straight by both guiding and protecting you.
- Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” Isaiah 30: 21
- Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
When the people of Jerusalem left God’s path, he would correct them. He will do the same for us. But when we hear his voice of correction, we must be willing to follow it!
TOPIC 2: DEALING WITH CHANGE
Discussion Questions
- What significant changes have you faced since you’ve been together?
- In what ways have those changes drawn you closer together? In what ways have they threatened to pull you apart?
Looking At God’s Word
- Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom. You rule throughout all generations. The LORD always keeps his promises; he is gracious in all he does. Psalm 145: 13
- Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
Sometimes our burdens are more than we can bear, and we wonder how we can go on. The Lord is the great burden-bearer. If you are bending under a burden and feel that you are about to fall, turn to God for help. He is ready to lift you up and bear your burden.
- Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13:8
- Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
Though human leaders have much to offer, we must keep out eyes on Christ, our ultimate leader. Unlike any human leaders, he will never change. Christ has been and will be the same forever. In a changing world we can trust our unchanging Lord.
TOPIC 3: MAKING SACRIFICES
Discussion Questions
- What are some of the sacrifices – big or small – that you’ve made for your spouse or for your family?
- What couple do you admire for the godly sacrifices they’ve made for each other or for their children? What is the most significant lesson you’ve learned from them?
Looking At God’s Word
- Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. John 15:13
- Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
We are to love each other as Jesus loved us, and he loved us enough to give his life for us. We may not have to die for someone, but there are other ways to practice sacrificial love: listening, helping, encouraging, giving. Give all the love you can, and then try to give a little more.
- Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians 2:3-4
- Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
Selfish ambition can ruin a church, but genuine humility can build it. Being humble involves having a true perspective about ourselves. It does not mean that we should put ourselves down. Before God, we are sinners, saved only by God’s grace, but we are saved and therefore have great worth in God’s kingdom. We are to lay aside selfishness and treat others with respect and common courtesy. Considering others’ interests as more important than our own links us with Christ, who was a true example of humility.
TOPIC 4: BUILDING A SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION
Discussion Questions
- Tony says, “If I had to name the number one thing that got our marriage off to a great start, it was finding the right church home. It provided a solid foundation for us as a newlywed couple” (ch. 2). How important do you think finding a church home is to building a foundation in marriage?
- In this season of your life, what qualities must a church have to be the right fit for your family – to be a true “church home?”
Looking At God’s Word
- These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Deuteronomy 6:6-7
- Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
The Hebrews were extremely successful at making religion an integral part of life. The reason for their success was that religious education was life-oriented, not information-oriented. They used the context of daily life to teach about God. The key to teaching your children to love God is stated simply and clearly in these verses. If you want your children to follow God, you must make God a part of your everyday experiences. You must teach your children diligently to see God in all aspects of life, not just those that are church related.
- Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. Ephesians 3:17
- Commentary (NIV Life Application Study Bible)
God’s love is total, says Paul. It reaches every corner of our experience. It is wide – it covers the breadth of our own experience, and it reaches out to the whole world. God’s love is long – it continues the length of our lives. It is high – it rises to the heights of our celebration and elation. His love is deep – it reaches to the depths of discouragement, despair, and even death. When you feel shut out or isolated, remember that you can never be lost to God’s love.
Building an Uncommon Marriage 